Riding to the hospital wishing I had done things differently. What is going to happen? Will I get to see the baby's face, hold it, hear it's first cries? Maybe I should just go numb, act normal, act normal, act normal. The pains are getting closer together. Finally, Fort Worth Osteopathic Hospital, much nicer than the county hospital. Nice to know the adopters agreed to pay for a better hospital. Wonder what kind of parents they will be to my baby....no, not my baby, must remember their baby, not mine, stay disconnected Reba. Questions begin, so confusing, looks of disgust or just my imagination? Pity? Possibly, but too much pain to care right now. Let's get this over with. Who am I kidding, it will never be all over with as long as I live. Can I do this? What else can I do, I can't change my mind. The attorney has reassured me the parents are good people, second time for them; hope they know what I have sacrificed for their happiness.
I can still remember when I contacted Eva Barnes. She was a little intimidating although she did seem honestly concerned when I explained my situation. But she was all business when we met later. Do I need money, clothes, groceries? If she only knew. I have kids at home who need me, can she give them anything? Questions, more questions: who's the father, does he live with me, does he know I am having his baby, how old is he, how old am I, what should I tell them?
Doctor is here. It's time. Happy Birthday to their baby.
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